Jefferson Carter is a retired doctor of literature. Eight years ago he taught at a college where I was a janitor. One day on campus I introduced myself to him, and he blew me off like I was a door-to-door Mormon. I wrote a story about it recently which was published in a small magazine. Well, he got wind of it. He then claimed publicly that he had caught me masturbating in his office with a pair of tweezers.

Mr. Potato Head Votes for the First Time

Mr. Potato Head is wearing green glasses with blue shoes. He is wearing his obstruent nose, and his open eyes. Mr. Potato Head is arriving home from work. He worked a double-shift, dialing phone numbers to collect data for university institutions. Two hours of that time he spent offering haircuts to his coworkers while they were outside on their breaks smoking cigarettes. Mr. Potato Head is a hair-stylist and he maintains his tools inside his butt. If you speak to him for a bit too long, he will offer you a haircut. He will cut your hair. He will then ask you for ten dollars.

Paul Muldoon is interviewed in the issue of Valium I have here. I read some of Muldoon’s poems not too long ago. They were like dying nursery rhymes kept alive by IVs of perverted erudition. He could be ignored except for the fact that he is considered by many, and considers himself, to be a genius. He won the god damned Pulitzer!